For a while I was wondering what my purpose was. Everyday I would stress over not knowing. I’d constantly ask myself “What is it that I’m here for? Did I miss it? Am I behind? What is the “thing” that I was called to do?” I knew people that had fires in their hearts and passion in their eyes and, if I can be honest, I was a little envious because I knew that they were living in purpose and I wanted to know what that felt like; but why was I struggling to discover my own? I enrolled in different webinars, read books, listened to podcasts and studied the material – I took notes for days on end y’all. After all that, I still didn’t know my purpose. It began to feel like time was passing me by and I was wasting the best hours of my days doing things that were not fulfilling and trying to discover my own meaning of life. I was overwhelmed because I felt I did everything I was told to do by family, teachers, and coaches but something was still missing. I had nothing else to give and I knew I was at the end of my strength. I began to pray more and read the Word (honestly out of frustration) and that’s when I realized that where I was, was exactly where I needed to be, at the end of my own strength and having to rely on God’s. I am the first to admit that I don’t know the answers to everything, I still don’t know what the purpose is for my life or what I was sent to do…yet. But maybe I’m not supposed to know everything. All I have right now is all I need. I may not know exactly where my future will take me or the people I will impact, if any, but for now I can at least be fully present and determine how I want to show up where I am. I’m finally feeling the freedom to not have it all together.
Why "Poured Out"?
As I’m going on this journey of life for the first and last time, discovering who I am and what I was called to do, I’ve made and will continue to make plenty of mistakes but here in this space, I am choosing to learn from each one and look back with laughter or more knowledge. At the end of my journey, I want to be like Paul (I can do without the prison part though, okay?), he said:
“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time for my departure is close. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Tim. 4:6-8).
I too want to have run my own race, been filled with faith, and poured out by giving this one life everything that I had in me. My ability to pour may look like a little, or sometimes a lot, but at the end of it all I want to feel as though I gave this one life everything I had - Poured Out. Follow me on this journey of faith, self-discovery, love, and grace and hopefully my blog will encourage you along the way!
Journal Prompt:
Do you have a journal? Follow the prompt below!
Instead of trying to discover the entire purpose of your life right now, it may be easier to ask yourself, “What kind of woman do I want to be? How do I want to show up today, a year from now, and 5 years down the line? At the end of my life, what would I like to be known for?” Think deeply and write the answer to these questions in your journal.
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